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Hilarious Definitions Pg.4

In 1831, Mr. Webster published the first dictionary of the English language. Unfortunately, he omitted several definitions - mostly those related to the daily lives of women. The following definitions, written from the viewpoint of Mrs. Webster, are to help correct that oversight.

Idunno (i-dun-no)
The child who broke your favorite vase.

Jeans (jeenz) n
Blue: Casual wear Black: Formal wear

Kiss (kis) n
A small token of affection, usually chocolate.

Men's Sale (minz sal) n
It's OK to get one on sale, just make sure the store has a good return policy.

New Age (noo aj) n
The age a woman gives instead of her real age.

Opinion (o-pin-yen) n
Advice you get whether you ask for it or not.

Park (park) v, n
Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere and neck."
After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing and slide.

Pizza (peet-za) n
An excellent breakfast food.

Pregnancy (pre-nan-see) n
You gain 30 lbs. of water weight, but he says, "we're pregnant."

Romance Novel (ro-mans-nov-el) n
A completely believable story in which an arrogant, boorish, rude, cold-hearted cad by day turns into a sensitive, caring, thoughtful, passionate lover by night.

Screwdriver (skrew-dri-ver) n
A hardware tool designed to be turned around and used as a hammer.

Significant Other (sig-nif-i-kant uth-er) n
A husband, fiancé, boyfriend, or someone you've introduced to your parents.

Stretch Marks (strech marcs) n
Badges of honor.

Teddy Bear (ted-ee bare) n
A companion, who gives you a hug whenever you want, never snores, doesn’t bother you when you're talking on the phone and doesn't eat the last chocolate chip cookie.

Valentine's Day (val-en-tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Weight Lifting (wate lif-ting) n
What every woman does when she carries her baby, purse and two bags of groceries.

Yippee (yip-ee) interj
What a woman thinks when a man says he'll call--then does.

Zillion (zil-yen) n
The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.

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