We are NutzWorld. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
(before and after)
A man and his wife were preparing to go out for the evening. She had just stepped out of the shower and he was shaving. Suddenly the door bell rang. "Would you get that?" the husband said. Even though she was naked with wet hair she pulled a bath robe on and proceeded to answer the door bell.
Upon opening the door she discovered the next door neighbor on their doorstep. He gazed at her a moment and suddenly said "I'll give you $500 to open that robe and let me have a look". She was somewhat taken back but upon reflection thought that it would be an easy way to earn $500 and, while embarrassing, no one would ever know. So she spread apart her robe for him to see.
After feasting his eyes on her naked body for several minutes, he handed her $500 and left.
So, she closed her robe and slammed the door. "Who was it?" her husband yelled. "The next door neighbor." she replied. "Did he give you that $500 he owes me?" asked her husband.
How to talk about men and still be politically correct...
not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
He does not get lost; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a cradle robber; he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
He is not unsophisticated; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.
He does not hog the blankets; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.
He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.
He doesn't have a dirty mind; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.
He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.