PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN

8:15--wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30--weigh 5 lbs.. lighter than yesterday
8:45--breakfast in bed-fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants
9:15--soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil
10:00--light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30--facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb-out
12:30--lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
12:45--notice ex-boyfriend's wife. She gained 30 lbs.
1:00--shopping with friends
3:00--nap
4:00--a dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from secret admirer
4:15--light workout at club followed by a gentle massage
5:30--pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror
7:30--candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
10:00--hot shower....ALONE
10:20-- gentle foreplay
10:30--make love
11:00--pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15--fall asleep in his big, strong arms


PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN
6:00--alarm
6:15--sex
6:30--massive dump while reading the sports section of the USA Today
7:00--breakfast. filet mignon, eggs, toast, and coffee
7:30--limo arrives
7:45--bloody Mary en route to airport
8:15--private jet to Augusta, Georgia
9:30--limo to Augusta National Golf Club
9:45--play front nine at Augusta-finish 2 under par
11:45--lunch-two dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens
12:15--sex
12:30--play back nine at Augusta-finish 4 under par
2:15--limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis
2:30--private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. NAP
3:15--late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew
4:30--catch world record light tackle marlin---1249 lbs..
5:00--jet back home. En route get massage from naked Kathy Ireland
7:00--watch CNN Newsflash-Clinton resigns
7:30--dinner-lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 oz.. NY Strip
9:00--relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar
10:00--have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs
11:00--massage and Jacuzzi
11:45--go to bed
11:50--let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.
11:55--laugh yourself to sleep