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18 TELLTALE SIGNS THAT YOU'RE A DRUNKEN BASTARD...

1. You frequently urinate outdoors.

2. When you first wake up, you're afraid you're gonna die and a half hour later you're afraid you won't.

3. You fall asleep taking a dump.

4. You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse

5. You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.

6. You find it's easier to study drunk.

7. You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.

8. Beer ads make sense.

9. You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and
you're  so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.

10. You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties
 left sitting around the room.

11. The space on your drivers license that tells your eye color reads
"bloodshot"

12. You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.

13. You mix your cocktails by the liter.

14. You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.

15. You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like
 piss.

16. You explain to your bank manager that you spent your overdraft mainly on beer and women; "the rest I just wasted."

17. When the bottle says 20 standard drinks, but you only get 5.

18. You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.

contributed by:
George Hoerman sonic@mddc.net   

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