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 "Actual Doctors' Notes"


>> Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

>> On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared
completely.

>> She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
 very hot in bed last night.

>> The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

>> The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
 depressed.

>> Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

>> Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
 forgetful.

>> The patient refused an autopsy.

>> The patient has no past history of suicides.

>> Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

>> Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
 only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

>> Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

>> Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
 Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like
 to work her up.

>> She is numb from her toes down.

>> While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

>> The skin was moist and dry.

>> Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

>> Patient was alert and unresponsive.

>> Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

>> She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she
 got a divorce.

>> I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
 therapy.

>> Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

>> Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

>> The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

>> The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
 stockbroker instead.

>> Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

>> The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

>> Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on
 the abdomen and I agree.

>> Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

>> Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

contributed by:
George Hoerman sonic@mddc.com