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Wonders of
the English Language
Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. When people say communication
would be so much more simple if everyone in the world just spoke English, give
them a copy of this!
- There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple.
- English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
- Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
- We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?
- If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
- One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
- Doesn't it seem crazy that You can make amends but not one amend,
- If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
- If teachers taught, why didn't the preacher praught?
- A vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a
letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
- Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane.
- In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
- Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that
smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
- How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and
wise guy are opposites?
- How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a
few are alike?
- How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.
- Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?
- Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?
- Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or
piccable?
- And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would
ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
- You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
- English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That
is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but
when I wind up this essay, I end it.