RACE!

The topic of race in America. Now, Race is touchy. I am so uptight about being called a racist that I refuse to separate the whites from the colros in my wash. So, let's proceed with caution. Everybody stay frosty.

So before we get started, I'd like to reacquaint our contestants with some basic rules of the game. Let's call it the National Race Aptitude Test. Ready?

Q1-Of all the ethnic groups in america, which one did not come here volantarily?

Answer- African Americans

Q2-All ethnics groups have gone through a period of social rejection, but which one recorded a lynching as recently as 1991?

Answers-That would be African Americans again.

Q3(last question)-On a national level, blacks obtained the right to vote waaaaay back when?

Answer-1965. That's right folks. A mere thirty years ago we were South Africa without the diamond mines. And that is the end of he test.

Now I don't want to get off onto a rant here, but let's face it, racism in America is growing faster than a lint ball in Chris Farley's navel.

Now, personally, I'm baffled by the concept of racial prejiduce. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when, if you take the time to get to know them as a human being, you can find so many other things to hate them for? I mean come on, uhh, I mean, come on, jerks are everywhere, all color, all races. All religions too. Just look around and take a moment to notice, and you'll see more assholes than a Turkish customs agent.

Of course, it's reasonably ironic getting ass self righteous about racial and socioeconomic segregation here in Los Angeles. The inequity in this town makes Charles Dickens London look like a kibbutz.

But you know, LA is just a microcosm. It's everywhere. Th reasons-well, probably the main one is that people are increasingly overworked, underpaid, unhappy,disappointed, and confused. ANd when people feel they're being fucked around in life, they look for someone or some group to blame.

And you know the more American's multi-colored tectonic plates adjust to relieve their strain, the wider the surface cracks become.

Fear and insecurity touch many nutcakes' across this great land of our. Up in the Ivory Towers, white professors whose closest contact with real black people is James Earl Jones voice over on CNN are busy composing master treaties on the genetic deficiencies of blacks.

Meanwhile down the hall in the Afro-centric wing, a learned Ph.D. in mathematics is insisting that X=Malcom. ANd down at street level, we've got an eclectic little menu of cross burnings, drive by's, quotas, and people crying racism in lieu of wolf. Welcome to 1995, can I take your coat?

So what is the solution?

Maybe a nice first step in the healing process would be to take stock of where we currently stand. I believe the different races in this country are making progress. Slow progress, yes, but real progress.

Nonetheless, we should probably all take time off from out incessant self-flagellation, count all the ingredients we have for a massive full-blown racial donnybrook, and marvel at how wonderfully we do actually get along.

Maybe we could also get a little less whiny about the slings and arrows of people whom we should not give one tenth of one shit about. Why should I or you give somebody else-somebody who doesn't even know us as a person-the power over whether we feel good about ourselves or not?

To those who would try to diminish us, or anybody else, based on melanin content or lack there of, I say this: My self opinion is decided by fiat, not consensus, and I'm sorry, but the polls are closed and I'm afraid your no longer eligible to vote.

Also, it's nice we all came from somewhere, but we are here now and it's time to be proud of america. We're living in a melting pot, so start melting, for chrissake.

Hey I'm no polyanna about the way the world works. Not all the turtles are going to make it to the ocean. That's not negativism, that's pragmatism.

But if you do find yourself on your back around four feet away from the water with some six year old kids from redondo beach shoving a M-80 up you turtles ass, don't blame another group of people for your shitty life. Get your life together and fight to reach the breakers.

Listen I'm talking to every honest, sane, good hearted person out there, whether they are black, white, brown, yellow, red, green .... okay, if your green, go back to where you came from. All right? That's where I draw the line: The point, the point is why is the hell are we letting the clown acts run the fucking circus in the country?

HATE IS AN EXCUSE.

Somehow, someway, we've got to find the courage to love the hate-filled extremists on both sides, to connect with them, to disperse the rage, to tell them that it's time to come in from the embittered cold and join in our Rainbow-Hued twister game.

Because the main thing I want you to remember is this:

If you think racism goes away when we're all one big color, with all the infidel's weeded out, well, I've got news for you, your missing it big time. Don't you see, first you kill off all the other religions, then you start killing off left handed people, then you start killing each other over the length of your crew cuts, until finally there's only one guy left- and no doubt he'll attack the mirror.

Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

-Dennis Miller

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