Back To Rants and Fits Navigation            Back To JokeNutz Front Page

"The Toilet Seat"

Much has been said in recent years about this thorny subject between men and women. Naturally I couldn't resist putting my two worthless cents in to stoke the fires of controversy. The majority of the inspiration I have to express myself about this is because I have grown EXTREMELY SICK of hearing women BITCH and MOAN about it while men sit by and say nothing. These are MY thoughts on this inane topic. (As ALWAYS..... if you're easily offended then take my silly observations with a grain of salt.)

"TO LIFT OR NOT TO LIFT..... THAT is the Question!" Women contend that they are constantly having to lower the seat of "the throne" because it is left in it's "upright position" by THOUGHTLESS MEN. Naturally this is a much greater issue for women since they sit down EVERY SINGLE TIME they use the bathroom for EITHER reason. (I understand that much) Inversely, when the status of whether we leave the lid UP or DOWN isn't the "fuel for their proverbial fire" then it automatically defaults to their number two complaint. It would appear women get extremely aggravated about sitting down on a lowered seat "christened" with nature's "water". EEEWWWW! I can't say I blame you there. The fact is.. their/your number one and number two complaints are DIRECTLY related but I'll touch on that more in a second.

I can certainly see how sitting in piss would be VERY annoying or even downright enraging if a person were the sort to CARELESSLY squat before looking (looking before leaping?) but that is easily remedied by BEING MORE OBSERVANT! HELLO! Considering how often this supposedly happens I'd think the sheer repetition would remind you/them to look. (I KNOW I ALWAYS DO!)

The typical response to my last paragraph is:.... "I shouldn't have to clean up someone else's PISS off the seat before I sit down ..." I would be quick to agree with you/them about that too. No one SHOULD have to get out a mop and bucket to "swab off the POOP deck" before sitting down to do what comes naturally BUT we don't live in a PERFECT WORLD!!!!! I certainly don't leave puddles or drips on the seat but there's no way to control the actions of others (MEN or WOMEN) and because of that there will always be messes to clean up.

I suppose what annoys me most about this is the "armchair attitude" I detect in some short sighted people. Since it's almost IMPOSSIBLE to pee on the seat when you are ACTUALLY sitting on the lid they/you assume taking aim and hitting the target standing up is a cinch with our "water pistols". Unfortunately with constant changing "water pressure" what WAS a perfect trajectory to go in the bowl rapidly changes to OVER and then UNDER shoot the rim! Not to mention if they/you were hoisted two feet above from the bowl there'd be QUITE A FEW misses I dare say!

Personally as a courtesy I ALWAYS raise the lid because I know I might miss the bowl and get some on the seat which I'd have to wipe up if I didn't raise it. I ADMIT there have been times when I would forget to LOWER the lid back down after I was done. Naturally I was castigated immediately for forgetting to both raise the lid before hand (ONE action on my part) and then lower it back down after I was done (ANOTHER action on my part) so they wouldn't have to do ANYTHING! If we as men can be courteous and raise the lid to compensate for our elevated and more difficult perspective.. then it only seems fair for you to MEET US HALF WAY by lowering it back down without complaining????? 1 action from us... 1 action from you!!!!

"Can't we all just get along?" hehehehhe....

Please send us your Rants and Fits and we will post them.

rant@NutzWorld.com