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10 Movies to Absolutely, Positively Avoid on Valentine’s Day

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Anyone who wants to celebrate love in its Valentine-y, idealized form should avoid Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind at all costs. Unless, of course, you find watching the steady disintegration of a relationship taking place inside someone’s brain to be a light, romantic activity that won’t make you want to run to your ex. Or erase them. Or, in the case of the movie, both.

2. Her

On the surface, a movie about a dude falling in love with Siri doesn’t seem too bad, but the longer you think about it, the sadder it gets. The whole time you’re watching it you’re wondering if there will ever be a point when you’re lonely enough to want to make out with a sufficiently advanced Alexa, and do you really want to know the answer to that question? It only gets worse when you realize that not even a computer program tailor-made for your assistance makes for a good partner because you can never tell when it’s sneaking off to chat up the ghost of Alan Watts.

3. Celeste and Jesse Forever

All “divorce romances” should be avoided on Valentine’s Day as a rule, but this one is particularly bad since it’s Andy Samberg and Rashida Jones at their most charming. You really want them to stay together, and seeing how their relationship was actually holding them back is a sad reminder that not even the nice-feeling romances are necessarily meant to last. Definitely leave this one for February 15th.

4. The Fault in Our Stars

Oh you like love? You like relationships? You like it when sick kids find happiness and meaning in their cruelly short lives? The Fault in Our Stars thinks that’s suuuper cute. The Fault

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