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There ought to be theme music, and other ramblings

I’ve been contemplating a few random thoughts for a happy New Year. For example:

• Life should come with background music. It would clear up a lot of confusion and possibly save lives.

In movies and TV shows, when a character utters an important point — Boom! the big crescendo tells us so. We know to pay attention.

If we hear the laugh track instead, we know the idea was ridiculous. We are free to chuckle and forget it.

A thing like this would save me from giving laugh track responses when my wife makes big crescendo statements. Sometimes, I fail to discern the difference on my own.

Oh, I find out afterward, all right. At those times, I swear I can hear some Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote music playing — with me starring as the hapless coyote about to get bonked again.

• Theme music also would be useful.

When a baseball player heads to the batter’s box, his theme music blares across stadium speakers. Take in a performance of the musical “Phantom of the Opera,” and whenever you hear that bass line rising, you know to search for the Phantom because he is there. And when you hear the “baaaa-dump” in a “Jaws” movie, you know the shark’s about to attack.

We need theme music in our everyday lives.

I wouldn’t be caught napping at my desk nearly as often if a bass line or a shriek or something would warn me that the boss was about to round the corner.

• Speaking of which, wouldn’t it be awesome if people were just as proud of us today as they were when we were kids when we take long naps?

Adults are always putting the kids down for a nap. Nobody ever does the same for the adults.

“Little Jimmy gets cranky without his afternoon nap,” a parent

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