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TV Bites With
Neena Louise |
CSI: Miami - I See Dead Series
by Neena Louise
Like millions of other people, CSI is one of my favorite shows
and I eagerly anticipated its spinoff CSI: Miami. This spinoff,
however, has proven to be a disappointment and, considering it has the
same producers, I became intrigued with its lack of quality when its
parent show is so stellar. I started to analyze it and try to determine
why it's so bad. These are my conclusions:
The principal stars
Kim Delaney. She still hasn't learned to breathe properly, I see.
With all her sighing and gasping, combined with a voice that makes me
wonder if she keeps a helium supply close by, both her and her character
are so irritating you just want to grab her and shriek, "Chill,
will ya?!!" (As an aside: who in their right mind would wear high
heels to a crime scene in the Everglades? Is she supposed to be
stupid, as well as annoying?)
David Caruso. In the pilot I thought he did an adequate job.
Subsequently, however, he reminds me disturbingly of That Guy in High
School (every high school has at least one) that thought he was the
coolest dude in the world when, in actuality, he was the only one that
thought he was cool. Everyone else was embarrassed by his obliviousness
of what a complete dork he really was. That is David Caruso. Or it could
be just his character. Either way, I'm always vaguely embarrassed for
him, which makes watching CSI: Miami a somewhat uncomfortable
experience.
The dialogue
Oh, lord, where did this shlock come from? Sample [paraphrase]:
"Grief is grief. Work is work. There's a difference." Well, gosh,
how profound! Puh-leeze.
The gore
Yes, the original CSI has gore a-plenty. However, it actually
fits with the story and has relevance to the plot. In CSI: Miami,
the gore (not to mention the preoccupation with male genitalia) appears
to be completely gratuitous. I suspect the over-the-top blood 'n' guts
is used to try to camouflage the bad writing, bad acting - the total badness
of it all.
The timing
It's too soon for a spinoff. Consider the Law & Order
franchise: The original Law & Order was on for years (close
to a decade, if I'm not mistaken) before it was spun off into Law
& Order: SVU and Law & Order: Criminal Intent - both
of which are highly successful. While CSI was extremely
successful its first season, one season is not long enough to spin it
off. Who knows how long CSI will last? It is extremely unwise to
spinoff a series before you know whether the parent show has staying
power. I can't think of any other show that spawned a spinoff after only
one season.
The timeslot (Monday, 10 pm)
Though I'm generally against (not to mention irritated by) timeslot
shifts so early in a season, CSI: Miami is up against certified
successes Crossing Jordan and Monday Night Football.
People who already watch Crossing Jordan aren't going to switch
to a different, unproven "dead people" show, nor are football
fans going to watch - well, anything else. If I was CBS, I'd
switch it with Judging Amy on Tuesdays at 10 pm or the
appropriately-named Hack (who wants to bet on when that'll be
canceled?) on Fridays at 9 pm.
That's not to say that CSI: Miami is a guaranteed bust, however.
I'm sure there are enough CSI fans to keep it going for at least
a season - and it does have potential. But as with so many show
clones, it seems to be a dumber, weaker copy and I can only hope that it
won't affect the quality of the original CSI.
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