Sat. Apr 13th, 2024

Steel (1997)

By Michael Mar 2, 2024

A scientist for the military turns himself into a cartoon-like superhero when a version of one of his own weapons is being used against enemies.


Alright, buckle up folks, because Ben Dover is about to unleash his cranky critic persona on the film “Steel” from 1997.

First things first, let’s talk about the plot of “Steel.” It revolves around a former soldier named John Henry Irons, played by Shaquille O’Neal. Now, I have to say, casting Shaq as the lead in an action film is like asking a giraffe to play basketball. It just doesn’t make any sense! But hey, who am I to question the casting choices of the geniuses behind this masterpiece?

Now, let’s move on to the special effects. Oh boy, where do I even begin? It’s like they hired a bunch of high school kids to create the CGI for this film. The explosions look about as realistic as a cartoon, and don’t even get me started on the flying scenes. I’ve seen better effects in a Saturday morning cartoon!

And let’s not forget about the dialogue. It’s as cheesy as a plate of nachos at a baseball game. I mean, seriously, who talks like that in real life? The lines are so cringe-worthy that I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. It’s like the writers were trying to create a new language that only makes sense to aliens from another planet.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But Ben, what about the character development?” Well, my dear friend, there is none. The characters in “Steel” are as one-dimensional as a sheet of paper. I couldn’t care less about their struggles or their triumphs. It’s like watching a bunch of cardboard cutouts trying to act.

And finally, let’s talk about the overall message of the film. Apparently, it’s supposed to be about the power of determination and the importance of standing up for what you believe in. But honestly, all I got from it was a headache and a strong desire to never watch another superhero movie again.

So, there you have it, folks. “Steel” is a trainwreck of a film that will leave you questioning your life choices. It’s a perfect example of how not to make a superhero movie. If you’re looking for a good laugh and some mindless entertainment, then go ahead and give it a watch. But if you value your sanity, I suggest you steer clear of this cinematic disaster.

And remember, this is just my opinion. If you happen to enjoy “Steel,” then more power to you. But as for me, I’ll be sticking to the classics and leaving this one in the dust.


AI images for fun:

By Michael

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