Tired of the crime overrunning the streets of Boston, Irish Catholic twin brothers Conner (Sean Patrick Flanery) and Murphy (Norman Reedus) are inspired by their faith to cleanse their hometown of evil with their own brand of zealous vigilante justice. As they hunt down and kill one notorious gangster after another, they become controversial folk heroes in the community. But Paul Smecker (Willem Dafoe), an eccentric FBI agent, is fast closing in on their blood-soaked trail.
Review by Ben Dover:
The Boondock Saints (1999) – 1.0 Dramatic Fingerwags
Well, slap me with a Bible and call me a priest! Just when I thought the cinematic world had run out of ways to glorify mindless violence and vigilantism, along comes “The Boondock Saints” to prove that sometimes, the road to hell is paved with bad filmmaking.
This flick follows a pair of Irish-American brothers, played by the painfully wooden Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus, who decide that the best way to honor their Catholic faith is by murdering anyone they deem “evil.” Because apparently, God’s on speed-dial for these morons.
The plot’s thinner than a communion wafer, amounting to little more than an excuse to string together a series of over-the-top action sequences and self-indulgent monologues. It’s like the screenwriter took a thesaurus, a Catechism, and a pack of cheap cigars, threw them in a blender, and called it a day. This thing is so ridiculous that, apparently, the most logical response to a drunken brawl is to embark on a killing spree across Boston.
The “acting,” if you can call it that, is so wooden, I’m surprised the cast didn’t get termites. Flanery and Reedus spend most of the film grimacing, squinting, and delivering their lines with all the conviction of a used car salesman. But the real star of the show is Willem Dafoe as FBI Agent Paul Smecker. Dafoe chews the scenery with such gusto, you’d think he was auditioning for a role in a drag queen pageant. His performance is so over-the-top, it makes Nicolas Cage look like a master of subtlety.
The action, when it comes, is more cartoonish than a Looney Tunes marathon. People get blown away in slow motion, blood sprays in artful patterns, people shoot at each other from point-blank range and somehow miss every single time, and our “heroes” strike poses that would make Zoolander jealous. It’s like the director watched too many Hong Kong action flicks and decided to recreate them on a budget of pocket lint and chewing gum.
The film’s attempts at humor land with all the grace of a lead balloon dropped from the top of the Eiffel Tower. The brothers’ constant biblical references and self-aggrandizing internal monologues are as subtle as a sledgehammer to the kneecaps. We get it, you think you’re modern-day avenging angels. Now shut up and reload your guns.
Is there anything redeeming about “The Boondock Saints”? Well, the soundtrack is pretty solid, I suppose. And I suppose if you’ve had one too many shots of Jameson, the sheer audacity of it all might be mildly entertaining. But otherwise, this movie is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
This flick is the cinematic equivalent of a toddler playing dress-up in their parent’s clothes – all posturing and no substance. It’s the kind of movie that makes me pine for the intellectual depth of an Adam Sandler comedy. At least those are intentionally dumb. Watching The Boondock Saints is like witnessing a train wreck in slow motion – it’s horrifying, yet you can’t look away. Yet, somehow this piece of crap has a huge cult following, proving that there’s no accounting for taste.
So, unless you’re a die-hard fanboy who’s had one too many blows to the head, or you’re looking for the perfect drinking game to end up in the ER, give “The Boondock Saints” a wide berth. Your brain cells will thank you.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go say a few Hail Mary’s and pray I can unsee the unholy mess I just witnessed. Maybe I’ll even throw in a couple of “Our Fathers” for good measure. Lord knows, someone needs to forgive the poor souls responsible for this travesty.
Notes:
Rating: R
Runtime: 1 hour 50 minutes
Gross worldwide: $30,471 ($50 million DVD)
Budget: $6,000,000 (estimated)
The word “fuck” and its derivatives are used a total of 246 times.
These accents change from scene to scene, not sure what the hell the dialogue coach was doing, was it Billy Connelly?
Dafoe might as well be playing the Green Goblin here.
No one in this movie is likeable at all, unless murderous thugs are your thing. There is exactly 0 character development.
This movie is Natural Born Killers badly done. You can really tell the director is a bartender.
David Della Rocco might be the worst actor I have ever seen. He cant even pay dead correctly.
The church where Connor (Sean Patrick Flanery) and Murphy (Norman Reedus) attend Mass, Church of the Covenant, is not a Catholic church, but a Lutheran one. No Catholic churches in the area would allow filming in their sanctuaries due to their objections to the plot of this movie.
This movie was given a limited release in the United States due to the Columbine massacre. It was only shown in five theaters for only one week. However, it later developed a large cult success from word of mouth following the success of DVD sales
Troy Duffy comments he received a 2-page letter from the Archdiocese of Toronto calling him the “spawn of Satan” and that the script for this film was an “instrument of his destruction.” (They might not be wrong)
Quotes:
Ivan Checkov: I am Ivan Checkov, and you will be closing now.
Murphy: Checkov? Well, this here’s McCoy. We find a Spock, we got us an away team.
Connor: Destroy all that which is evil.
Murphy: So that which is good may flourish.
Critics Consensus:
Critics 26% Audience 91% Rotten Tomatoes
A juvenile, ugly movie that represents the worst tendencies of directors channeling Tarantino.
Trailer:
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