Double Dragon is a cinematic disaster that serves as a cautionary tale about the perils of video game adaptations. The film, which is based on the popular arcade beat-em-up series, follows the twin brothers Billy and Jimmy Lee as they navigate a dystopian future filled with crime and corruption. Unfortunately, the film’s execution is as terrible as its premise.
The acting is wooden, the dialogue is cheesy, and the action sequences are lackluster. The film’s low-budget production values are also evident throughout, with shoddy special effects and a general sense of cheapness. Despite the presence of martial arts legends like Mark Dacascos and Scott Wolf, Double Dragon fails to deliver on its promise of thrilling action and entertainment. It is a film that is best forgotten, a cautionary tale about the dangers of rushing a project and prioritizing profit over quality.
Review by Ben Dover:
Double Dragon: A Movie So Bad, It Makes My Knees Hurt
Well, kids, I finally got around to watching this “Double Dragon” movie. It’s been sitting on my VCR for years, gathering dust like a forgotten pair of socks. I figured, what the heck, I’ve got nothing better to do than watch a movie about two brothers who fight ninjas and wear leather pants.
This cinematic dumpster fire stars Scott Wolf and Mark Dacascos as Jimmy and Billy Lee, two brothers with all the charisma of a pair of wet socks. They spend the movie running around a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles that looks like it was designed by a color-blind set decorator with a fondness for neon and garbage.
Robert Patrick plays the villain, Koga Shuko, sporting a hairstyle that makes him look like he stuck his finger in an electrical socket. He chews the scenery with such gusto, you’d think the set was made of beef jerky.
Let me tell you, folks, this movie is like a bad bowl of chili. It’s got all the ingredients, but it’s just… wrong. The acting is so bad, it makes me want to punch a baby. The story is about as convoluted as a bowl of spaghetti, and the fight scenes are so poorly choreographed, I’m surprised they didn’t all end up in the hospital.
Alyssa Milano shows up as Marian, the love interest/damsel in distress, looking about as comfortable as a vegetarian at a barbecue. Her character’s got all the depth of a puddle in the Sahara.
The only thing that saved this movie from being a complete disaster was the presence of the lovely Catherine Bell. She’s the only reason I didn’t turn this movie off after the first fifteen minutes. She’s got the kind of smile that could make a man forget he’s watching a movie about two brothers who fight ninjas and wear leather pants.
The plot? It’s thinner than the paper they printed the script on. Something about a magical medallion, an evil corporation, and more henchmen than you can shake a nunchaku at. It’s like someone took the two-sentence plot of the game and stretched it out like bad taffy.
The special effects look like they were done on a Commodore 64. The “magical” scenes are about as convincing as a politician’s promise, and the futuristic tech looks like it was cobbled together from bits found in a Radio Shack dumpster. Is “Double Dragon” faithful to the game? About as much as I am to my diet. It’s got the names right, and there’s some fighting, but beyond that, it’s as recognizable as me without my toupee.
Let’s be honest, folks, this movie is a complete and utter train wreck. It’s like watching a drunk monkey try to play the piano. It’s painful, it’s embarrassing, and it makes you wonder what the heck the director was thinking.
If you’re looking for a good time, folks, I suggest you skip this movie. Go watch something else. Anything else. Even “The Room” would be a better choice. And that’s saying something.
Final Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
Ben Dover, Film Critic Extraordinaire
P.S. I’m still not sure what the heck a “Double Dragon” is. Is it a type of fruit? A new dance craze? I’m old, folks, I don’t understand these things. But I do know one thing: this movie is terrible.
Notes:
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 1 hour 36 minutes
Gross worldwide: $ 2,341,309
Budget: $7,850,000 (estimated)
Based on Yoshihisa Kishimoto’s 1987 hit arcade beat ’em up by Technos Japan of the same name
Dozens of arcade games appear in the Power Corps hideout. DOUBLE DRAGON is one of them as a fourth wall-break. It’s visible when Jimmy (possessed by Kogo Shuko) tries to kick Billy but misses and shatters the monitor of the machine
The boat chase was filmed on the Cuyahoga River in Northeast Ohio. It climaxes with an explosion which used 700 gallons of gasoline combined with 200 gallons of alcohol. Despite warnings the night before on several news channels, the explosion caused Cleveland residents to panic, leading to 210 phone calls to emergency services for over ten minutes.
The film takes place in the apocalyptic future of 2007 in Los Angeles, California known fictionally as “New Angeles”.
In one scene, Kogo Shuko asks his henchmen (Huey and Lewis), “Huey, Lewis. Any news?” a reference to the band Huey Lewis and the News.
The entire non-canon cast which are not Billy, Jimmy, Marian, and Linda are all original characters from the film’s writers, even the small-time gang leader of the “Mohawks” who is referred to as Bo Abobo is also not from the games, he was a loose combination of the canon bosses of the arcade version known as Zack Abobo, Jick Abobo, Bolo (in which his first name “Bo” originated from) and Mibobo (a Green Abobo in which inspired Bo’s bulking mutant form), the Abobo Brothers played villainous roles in the game while the unrelated Bo is depicted as more of a goon-for-hire turned superhero
Quotes:
This movie features some of the most cringe dialogue in movie history:
Guisman: You’re weak like your father.
Billy Lee: You’re ugly like your mother.
Billy Lee: Look who’s talkin’, UG Lee.
Jimmy Lee: Get it straight. YOU’RE “Ug” Lee. I’m “Home” Lee.
Billy Lee: Oh, okay…
Bo Abobo #1: This thing’ll kill me.
Guisman: Perhaps. But I consider you like a son, Abobo. And like a son, I can always have another.
Jimmy Lee: Yuck!
Billy Lee: Yuck!
Jimmy Lee: This water’s gross.
Billy Lee: It should have a seat and a lid over it.
Critics Consensus:
Critics 12% Audience 26% Rotten Tomatoes
Double Dragon’s clever use of special effects cannot mask the film’s overly simplistic storyline and cheesy dialogue
Trailer: