The McCallister family is preparing for a Christmas trip to Paris. In the chaos of packing and getting ready, eight-year-old Kevin McCallister is accidentally left behind. Initially thrilled to have the house to himself, Kevin enjoys the freedom of doing whatever he wants. However, his excitement is short-lived when he discovers two burglars, Harry and Marv, planning to rob his house.
Resourceful Kevin sets up elaborate booby traps throughout the house to thwart the burglars. Harry and Marv fall victim to one trap after another, suffering comical injuries and setbacks. Meanwhile, Kevin’s mother, Kate, realizes her son has been left behind and frantically tries to get back to him.
Kevin eventually encounters his elderly neighbor, Marley, who is rumored to be a serial killer. They form an unlikely bond, and Marley helps Kevin realize the importance of family. In the end, the burglars are apprehended, Kevin is reunited with his family, and he learns a valuable lesson about appreciating loved ones.
Review by Ben Dover:
Rating: 4/5 Martinis (One martini deducted for making me sympathize with burglars)
Here’s a movie that somehow turned child abandonment and aggravated assault into family entertainment. And you know what? It works better than my second marriage. “Home Alone” is what you’d get if “Die Hard” and “Dennis the Menace” had a baby and left it to fend for itself – which is exactly what happens in this film.
Let’s be honest, the premise is ridiculous. A family of what, twenty people, and not ONE notices little Kevin’s missing until they’re halfway across the Atlantic? And let’s not even get started on the intelligence level of these burglars. Marv, with his iron-clad skull, should be a walking concussion, and Harry… well, let’s just say he wouldn’t find his own head with both hands and a map.
But here’s the thing, despite all its flaws, “Home Alone” is undeniably entertaining. Macaulay Culkin, with his cherubic face and mischievous grin, is the perfect blend of adorable and annoying. You can’t help but root for the little guy as he outsmarts the crooks with his Rube Goldberg-esque traps. And let’s face it, the slapstick comedy, however absurd, delivers some genuinely funny moments. Who can forget the iconic iron-to-the-face scene or Harry’s encounter with a tarantula?
MaCaulay plays Kevin McCallister, a smart-mouthed kid who makes my grandchildren look like angels (and believe me, they’re not). When his family accidentally leaves him behind while rushing off to Paris for Christmas (something that would get you arrested faster than my ex-wife’s driving), Kevin lives out every kid’s dream and every parent’s nightmare. Though honestly, after watching this kid’s family, particularly that jerk uncle of his, I’m thinking he got the better end of the deal.
Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern play the “Wet Bandits,” two burglars who make the Three Stooges look like criminal masterminds. These guys endure more physical trauma than a crash test dummy at a monster truck rally. Watching them get tortured by this pint-sized Rambo is like watching slapstick comedy directed by the Marquis de Sade. Pesci, who had just finished filming “Goodfellas,” had to replace his usual colorful vocabulary with “fridging” this and “fridging” that. It’s like watching your drunk uncle try to behave at a kindergarten graduation.
Catherine O’Hara plays Kevin’s mother, who realizes halfway to Paris that she left something important behind – no, not her passport, just her youngest child. Her mad dash to get home is like watching my first wife trying to get to a shoe sale, except with slightly less property damage.
John Hughes wrote this thing, proving he understood suburban warfare as well as he understood teenage angst. And Chris Columbus directed it like he was trying to create a live-action cartoon, which is exactly what it is. The whole thing is about as realistic as my hairpiece, but that’s not the point.
What makes this movie work is that it taps into every kid’s fantasy of being in charge and every parent’s secret fear that their kid might actually be better off without them (don’t pretend you haven’t thought it). Kevin doesn’t just survive; he thrives. He grocery shops, does laundry, and sets up elaborate torture devices that would make the Pentagon jealous. Meanwhile, I still can’t get my grandkids to pick up their socks.
The security measures this eight-year-old comes up with are more elaborate than anything protecting Fort Knox. Hot irons to the face, blowtorches to the head, tar and feathers – it’s like “America’s Funniest Home Videos” meets the Geneva Convention. And let’s be honest, we’re all rooting for the kid to inflict as much damage as possible. What does that say about us as a society? Don’t answer that.
Now, I’m not saying it’s a masterpiece. The sentimental stuff is laid on thicker than Aunt Marge’s Christmas fruitcake, and some of the gags are about as subtle as a brick through a window. But hey, it’s a Christmas movie! You’re supposed to turn off your brain and enjoy the silly ride. Just try not to think too hard about the long-term psychological damage inflicted on those poor burglars.
Bottom Line: Despite my better judgment (and several concerned letters from child protective services), I have to admit this movie is a classic. It’s completely ridiculous, totally implausible, and more fun than watching my neighbor try to parallel park his RV.
Fun Fact: This movie made over $470 million worldwide, proving that nothing sells tickets like watching two grown men get repeatedly assaulted by household items. The insurance premiums for the sequel must have been higher than my blood pressure.
Best Scene: The aftershave scene. That scream became the universal symbol for regrettable decisions, like my third marriage or that time I tried to fix my own plumbing.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make sure my house is properly booby-trapped for the next time my grandkids visit. I’m kidding, FBI agents who might be reading this.
Ben “Get Off My Lawn” Dover has been banned from three different hardware stores for asking too many detailed questions about recreating Kevin’s traps. His wife has hidden all the paint cans.
Quotes:
Memorable Quote: “This is my house, I have to defend it!” – Kevin McCallister, future attorney for the NRA.
- “Keep the change, ya filthy animal.”
- “Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof!”
- “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.”
- “Look what you did, you little jerk!”
Notes:
- The movie was filmed almost entirely in Chicago, Illinois.
- The tarantula that Harry encounters was real.
- The “Old Man Marley” character was based on a real-life experience writer John Hughes had as a child.
- The film was the highest-grossing live-action comedy of all time until it was surpassed by “The Hangover Part II” in 2011.
- Macaulay Culkin received a Golden Globe nomination for his performance.