Sun. Feb 9th, 2025

Superman II: When Studio Meddling Met Kryptonian Criminals

Superman II: When Studio Meddling Met Kryptonian Criminals

Well, folks, another superhero flick has landed in my lap. This time, it’s Superman II. Remember Superman? Red tights, blue suit, faster than a speeding… well, you know the rest. This one promises more of the same: flying, punching, and a whole lot of posing. Will it be a soaring adventure or another kryptonite dud? Let’s find out. I swear, if I have to sit through another scene of Lois Lane acting all damsel-in-distress, I’m going to start throwing popcorn at the screen. And don’t even get me started on the special effects. Back in my day, special effects meant a guy in a gorilla suit, and we liked it!

This cinematic masterpiece (or, more likely, cinematic mess) sees the return of our favorite alien refugee, Superman, battling a trio of escaped Kryptonian villains led by the oh-so-charming General Zod. Apparently, these guys are even badder than Lex Luthor, which is saying something. Lois Lane is still around, of course, tripping over her own feet and getting into trouble. And Clark Kent? He’s still trying to hide his super-secret identity behind a pair of glasses. Honestly, you’d think people would have figured it out by now.

Review by Ben Dover

Okay, I just finished watching Superman II. Let me tell you, it’s… well, it’s a superhero movie. What else can I say? It’s got all the usual tropes: a hero with a god complex, villains with world domination plans, and a love interest who can’t seem to function without being rescued. It’s like they took all the superhero clichés and threw them into a blender. The result? A movie that’s both exciting and exhausting.

Listen up, you youngsters who think director drama started with Zack Snyder. Superman II has more behind-the-scenes chaos than my second marriage. Richard Donner, who directed most of this film alongside the first one, got kicked to the curb faster than my ex-wife’s lawyer could say “alimony,” and Richard Lester stepped in to finish the job. The result? A movie that’s somehow both great and a mess, like my aunt’s Christmas turkey.

Christopher Reeve returns as the Big Blue Boy Scout, still making us believe a man can fly and that glasses are an effective disguise. This time he’s up against three Kryptonian criminals led by General Zod (Terence Stamp), who chews more scenery than my dog at the furniture store. Stamp delivers the word “KNEEL!” with such conviction you’d think he was ordering at a drive-thru with a broken speaker.

The plot? Superman decides to give up his powers so he can play house with Lois Lane (Margot Kidder). Because apparently being the most powerful being on Earth isn’t as appealing as getting some action in a tinfoil honeymoon suite at Niagara Falls. Real smooth, Supes. Meanwhile, three super-powered criminals are turning Earth into their personal playground. Talk about bad timing.

Gene Hackman returns as Lex Luthor, who breaks out of prison with all the difficulty of a teenager sneaking out to a party. He teams up with Zod and company because apparently being the smartest criminal mastermind means hitching your wagon to the first alien dictator who shows up. Terence Stamp as General Zod, though? He’s the real star of the show. He chews the scenery like it’s a prime rib steak. “Kneel before Zod!” Classic.

The special effects are… well, they’re special effects from the 80s. Some of them are pretty good, but some of the flying scenes, let’s just say they haven’t aged well. The battle in Metropolis remains a highlight, though watching super-powered beings throw each other through buildings hits different after 9/11.

Remember when I said I was going to start throwing popcorn at the screen if I had to watch another damsel-in-distress scene? Well, I did. And I ran out of popcorn.

Now, let’s talk about that ending. Superman kisses Lois to make her forget everything? That’s the kind of plot device that makes soap operas look like Shakespeare. And don’t get me started on how he magically gets his powers back just by pushing a green crystal button. It’s like a reset button on a video game, but with more spandex.

Bottom Line: Despite studio interference that would make a fox in a henhouse look organized, Superman II somehow works. It’s messier than the original but still has enough charm to overcome its cape-sized plot holes. Overall, Superman II is a decent superhero movie. It’s not great, but it’s not terrible either. It’s got some good action scenes, a memorable villain, and some cheesy special effects. If you’re a fan of superhero movies, you’ll probably enjoy it. If you’re not, well, you’ve probably seen worse. I give it two and a half out of five stars. Decidedly middling.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go explain to my grandkids why Superman giving up his powers for a woman is dumber than my decision to get married for the fourth time.

Ben Dover has been banned from multiple comic conventions for suggesting Superman could have solved his romance problems with a Kryptonian dating app. His wife suggests he stop giving relationship advice to superheroes.

Fun Fact: There’s a Richard Donner cut released in 2006 that’s drastically different from the theatrical version. It’s like getting to see your parents’ alternate divorce settlement.

Memorable Quote: “Kneel before Zod!” – General Zod, providing the most quoted lunch lady impression in cinema history.

Best Scene: The Metropolis battle, proving that property damage was a superhero movie staple long before Michael Bay got his hands on a camera.

Starring

Christopher Reeve as Superman/Clark Kent, Margot Kidder as Lois Lane, Terence Stamp as General Zod, Sarah Douglas as Ursa, and Jack O’Halloran as Non.

Special Effects

As mentioned, a mixed bag. Some are impressive for the time, others are laughably dated.

Music

John Williams’ iconic score. Grand and bombastic, as always. Still reminiscent of Star Wars. The music is classic John Williams. You know, the soaring orchestral score that makes every superhero movie sound epic. It’s good, I’ll give it that. But I swear, if I hear that Superman theme one more time, I might just fly to the moon myself.

Rating

2.5/5 Crystal Fortresses (Lost points for making Superman give up his powers to get some action)

Synopsis and Plot Breakdown

Superman II picks up where the first movie left off. General Zod and his Kryptonian cronies, Ursa and Non, escape from the Phantom Zone and head to Earth, looking to take over the world. Meanwhile, Lois Lane is still trying to figure out that Clark Kent is Superman. Superman has to deal with these super-powered villains while also trying to maintain his secret identity and keep Lois safe. It’s a lot to juggle, even for a superhero. Eventually, Superman defeats Zod and his crew, saves the world (again), and manages to keep his secret identity intact. Lois, of course, remains clueless. Roll credits.

Famous Quotes

  1. “Kneel before Zod!” – General Zod
  2. “Superman, you’re the only one.” – Lois Lane
  3. “I live only to serve you, your Highness.” – Ursa
  4. “We will rule this planet!” – General Zod
  5. “Come on, Superman! Let’s finish this!” – General Zod

Notes

  1. That opening at least keeps you from having to watch the first movie, feels like a previously on tv opening.
  2. Got Superpeen in opening credits again, wimps could have done it in the bed scene with Lois and Clark, but nooo.
  3. Boy, that suit change in the alley was cool, the flying out of the alley was BAD.
  4. Actually almost all of the flying scenes are bad, the background is pixelated and Superman is clear in almost all of them making them look decidedly fake.
  5. Clark stole those damn hot dogs.
  6. The original theatrical release and the director’s cut have some differences, particularly regarding the ending.
  7. Terence Stamp considered General Zod one of his favorite roles.
  8. The special effects were considered groundbreaking for their time, even if they look a bit dated now.
  9. The film was a huge box office success.
  10. There were plans for a Superman III even before Superman II was released.
  11. The new forgetting power is just stupid. Now he’s got mental powers as well. That sure would have helped in Smallville.

Photos

Trailer

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