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The 13th Annual Oskerbites

TV Bites – by Neena Louise

billy-crystalWorst Dressed

Emma Stone
Though the bold color was a refreshing change from all the washed-out dresses, the giant bow sticking out of her neck made it appear she was about to topple over.

Best Dressed

Jessica Chastain
I didn’t really care for the over-the-top gold embroidery, but it was so different what anyone else was wearing and Chastain wore it very well.

Worst Accessory

Octavia Spencer’s earrings
Seems she was wearing Christmas ornaments in her ears.

Best Accessory

Octavia Spencer’s blinged-out clutch purse

Worst Hair

Tina Fey
Her giant bun stuck out so far, it appears it was readying for takeoff.

Best Hair

Gwyneth Paltrow
Paltrow’s simple ponytail was made her stand out from all the others sporting buns and shellacked hairdos.

Least Charming

Sacha Baron Cohen
What an idiot. Not only did he show up in character in a shameless act of self-promotion, he spilled fake ashes from Kim Jong-Il all over Ryan Seacrest. He then was physically escorted away. I hope no one goes to see The Dictator when it’s released this spring. I don’t know why anyone would, though, since Cohen’s just not funny at all.

Most Charming

Jean Dujardin
Dujardin was utterly charming in his laid-back interview during the pre-show. Though he seemed delighted to be there, he didn’t take himself too seriously.

Worst Acceptance Speech

Asghar Farhadi (Foreign Language Film, A Separation)
I’ve always been against anyone using the convenient huge Oscar audience to spew their own (usually political) agenda. Regardless of whether the intentions are good or not, it doesn’t belong here.

Best Acceptance Speech

Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall (Film Editing, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)
After a momentary brain freeze, a panicked Baxter simply said "let’s get outta here" and they both hustled off the stage. Wish more winners had done the same.

Worst Shout-Out

There weren’t any stupid and awkward shout-outs. Thank goodness.

Best Shout-Out

Billy Crystal saying "welcome to the Chapter 11 Theatre". (Formerly known as the Kodak Theatre, Kodak recently filed for bankruptcy and pulled their theatre funding.)

Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Everyone who got one deserved it. For a change.

Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Melissa McCarthy (Supporting Actress, Bridesmaids)
It’s so rare for a comedic performance to receive a nomination. McCarthy’s performance totally deserved it and let’s hope comedic performances are rewarded more often in the future.

Least Deserving of an Oscar

Oprah Winfrey (Jean Hersholdt Humanitarian Award)
Not an Oscar, exactly, but a humanitarian award should go to someone who does humanitarian work without bragging incessantly about it, not Oprah.

Most Deserving of an Oscar

Christopher Plummer (Supporting Actor, Beginners)

As the oldest Oscar recipient, all I can say is: about time.

Least Surprising Winner

Octavia Spencer (Supporting Actress, The Help)
Shocker. Not.

Most Surprising Winner

Meryl Streep (Actress, The Iron Lady).
Not that she didn’t deserve it, but I thought it was a foregone conclusion that Viola Davis (The Help) would win.

Worst Presenters

Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz
Hard to believe Lopez and Diaz are accomplished actresses. Stiff delivery and stupid cutesy back-to-the-camera stunt just made me roll my eyes.

Best Presenter

Chris Rock
Not taking himself seriously at all, he pointed out how easy it was to voice an animated character and then "they pay me a million dollars!".

Worst Reaction of a Winner

For the first time ever, there was no one who acted less than honored.

Best Reaction of a Winner

Jean Dujardin (Actor, The Artist)
His excitement and exuberance was infectious.

Biggest Loser

Six nominations and not a single statue. I guess the Academy just doesn’t like baseball movies. The last one nominated was over 20 years ago (Field of Dreams) and it didn’t win either.

First of all: thank goodness for Billy Crystal! After the disastrous Anne Hathaway/James Franco debacle of last year and the many years of dreadfully boring hosts before that, Crystal was a sigh of relief. In top form, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much during an Oscar broadcast. The short film of Crystal being inserted into movies was not only hilarious, it was familiar. I guess that sums up this year’s broadcast: comforting.

The stage looked elegant for once, resembling an old-style movie palace rather than the surreal mess it has been in recent years (who can forget the lampshades and crystal vomit of 2009?). The Cirque du Soleil performance was fascinating and had the good grace not to go on and on, though I fail to understand why they cut to George Clooney in the middle of it. Who wants to see him just sitting there when there are people flipping around onstage?? I miss song presentations, but with only 2(!) songs nominated, a song performance wasn’t really necessary. The In Memoriam segment was classier than most years, but the names went by so fast, it was hard to read the name and look at the picture before it changed. I was very relieved there was no Whitney Houston gushing (if I hear "I Will Always Love You" one more time, I may scream).

Shorter than many broadcasts, I was thrilled when a third of the awards had been given out in the first hour. I thought for sure it would run under 3 hours for the first time in recent memory. It would’ve, too, if it wasn’t for the stupid gushing over the nominees in the Best Actor and Best Actress categories. I wish they’d stop doing this! It’s cringe-worthy and the nominees look decidedly uncomfortable as their praises are being sung. It added an unnecessary 20 minutes and I just couldn’t watch it. I kept flipping the channel, hoping the madness would soon be over. It finally was.

For those who missed them:

Picture: The Artist, Thomas Langmann
Director: Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Actor: Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Actress: Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer, Beginners
Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer, The Help
Foreign Language Film: A Separation (Iran), Asghar Farhadi
Cinematography: Hugo, Robert Richardson
Original Screenplay: Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
Adapted Screenplay: Nat Faxon, Alexander Payne, Jim Rash, The Descendants
Documentary Feature: Undefeated, Dan Lindsay, T.J. Martin, Rich Middlemas
Documentary Short Subject: Saving Face, Daniel Junge, Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy
Live Action Short Film: The Shore, Terry George, Oorlagh George
Film Editing: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall
Makeup: The Iron Lady, Mark Coulier, J. Roy Helland
Art Direction: Hugo, Dante Ferretti, Francessa Lo Shiavo
Sound Mixing: Hugo, Tom Fleischman, John Midgley
Sound Editing: Hugo, Eugene Gearty, Phillip Stockton
Visual Effects: Hugo, Ben Grossmann, Alex Henning, Rob Legato, Joss Williams
Costume Design: The Artist, Mark Bridges
Original Score: The Artist, Ludovic Bource
Original Song: "Man or Muppet", The Muppets, Bret McKenzie
Animated Feature Film: Rango, Gore Verbinski
Animated Short Film: The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore, William Joyce, Brandon Oldenburg

Honorary Oscars: James Earl Jones, Dick Smith

Jean Hersholdt Humanitarian Award: Oprah Winfrey

About Michael
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