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14th Annual Oskerbites

by Neena Louise

Neena gives us her take on the Oscars with her annual look at the broadcast winners and losers.


Worst Dressed

Zoe Saldana
How many different features can you get on one dress? Floral appliqué? Check. Belt? Check. Bow? Check. Add the ugly grey-striped cut-out train and Saldana looked as though someone severely afflicted with OCD dressed her.



Jennifer Garner
Though the purple color was a nice change from all the beige and grey, the dress was not only unflattering on Garner, it seemed to be trying to give birth to an ostrich in the back.


Best Dressed

Reese Witherspoon
Not the most elegant dress, but the royal blue gown was worn very elegantly by Witherspoon.

Worst Accessory

Sandra Bullock’s hair clip
Strapped to the side of her head, the V-shaped hair clip made Bullock look like the Bride of Frankenstein.

Best Accessory

Renée Zellweger’s bracelet
The blingy ruby and diamond cuff gave me bracelet-envy. Her dress on the other hand…

Worst Hair

Charlize Theron
Doing her best P!nk impression, Theron’s cropped ‘do just didn’t suit her at all.


Halle Berry
The ’80s called and wants its hair back.

Best Hair

Jessica Chastain
No shellac or silly updo, Chastain’s lovely wavy long hair was the most elegant of the night.

Least Charming

George Clooney
This isn’t the first time Clooney has taken this category. He should stop trying to be funny and charming, because he’s neither.

Most Charming

Hugh Jackman
Suave, charming and utterly likeable, Jackman could give George Clooney some much-needed lessons.

Worst Acceptance Speech

Anne Hathaway (Supporting Actress, Les Misérables)
She just went on and on, thanking everyone in the known universe. It was so boring I actually turned to the Weather Channel. Why she wasn’t cut off by the Jaws theme like many others is just beyond me.

Best Acceptance Speech

Daniel Day-Lewis (Leading Actor, Lincoln)
I’ve always equated Day-Lewis with the word “stiff”, but his humorous and heartfelt acceptance speech was charming.

Worst Song Presentation

“Goldfinger” (Shirley Bassey)
Don’t get me wrong, the 76-year-old Bassey nailed it. What irked me was the lame tribute to “50 Years of James Bond” that completely ignored all the iconic theme songs. Where was “Live and Let Die” and “Nobody Does It Better” and “A View to a Kill” and…well, I could go on. And on. It should have been so much more than one song.

Best Song Presentation

“Skyfall” (Adele, Skyfall)
The pitch-perfect Adele gave her own song its due.

Worst Shout-Out

Seth McFarlane’s ”I would argue that the actor who really got inside Lincoln’s head was John Wilkes Booth.” When the audience gasped, he saved himself with “150 years and still too soon?”.

Best Shout-Out

The headline “Best Oscars ever, says everyone except Entertainment Weekly” that followed the William Shatner-as-Captain-Kirk bit urging MacFarlane to improve his hosting.

Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Quvenzhané Wallis (Leading Actress, Beasts of the Southern Wild)
Yes, Wallis’ performance in Beasts was very good – especially impressive given that she was a totally inexperienced 6-year-old at the time – but Oscar-worthy? I hardly think so. Hopefully her instant fame at such a young age won’t ruin her.


Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Emmanuelle Riva (Leading Actress, Amour)
Riva turned 86 on Oscar night and it just goes to show you that you’re never too old for major accomplishments.

Least Deserving of an Oscar

Everyone who received one actually deserved it.

Most Deserving of an Oscar

Argo (Best Picture)
Ben Affleck was robbed of a directing nomination, but at least the Academy recognized Argo for the “grand prize”.

Least Surprising Winner

Daniel Day-Lewis (Leading Actor, Lincoln)
What not a shocker.

Most Surprising Winner

Christoph Waltz (Supporting Actor, Django Unchained)
Not that he didn’t deserve it, but I thought Robert De Niro (Silver Linings Playbook) was a shoe-in.

Worst Presenter

Michelle Obama
What the hell was that? Jack Nicholson started off as a contender for “best presenter” until he was suddenly cut off to go to the White House where the First Lady just went on and on with sickeningly shlocky “blah, blah, blah” about, well, I’m not sure what since I got so bored I started reading the newspaper instead. I still don’t know what she was doing there…

Best Presenter

Pretty sad that the best presenter of the night wasn’t even human.

Worst Reaction of a Winner

I didn’t see any bad reactions. Everyone seemed honored and thrilled.

Best Reaction of a Winner

Ang Lee (Best Director, Life of Pi)
He positively beamed with happiness. His cute “I had to do that” after thanking his agent and lawyers just added to his charm.

Biggest Loser

Despite having Steven Spielberg as director, a stellar cast and the fact that it was a period drama, Lincoln won just 2 awards out of its 12 nominations.

I was very surprised by Seth MacFarlane’s hosting skills. Perhaps it was because I didn’t expect much from MacFarlane, but I found that his jokes were mostly on-the-mark (actually made me laugh – a very rare thing in an Oscar broadcast) and his self-deprecation (e.g.: ”You guys have made some inspiring movies. I made Ted“) was actually funny instead of awkward. It’s unfortunate that the opening monologue went on waaaaay too long and the “I Saw Your Boobs” song was stupid, but the majority of it was pretty darn good and actually kept me entertained. Who’d a thunk such a thing from a usually-stultifying show?

The theme of this year’s broadcast was, unfortunately, “musicals” and, boy, were we not allowed to forget it! Musical number after musical number and, yet, two of the nominated songs (“Before My Time” from Chasing Ice and “Pi’s Lullaby” from Life of Pi) didn’t warrant a live performance? What the hell?? Musicals are my least-favorite movie genre, so I’m probably biased, but I just wanted the interminable musical numbers to stop already. We didn’t need a boring rehash of musicals past while sacrificing performances of current nominations, but at least there were “best song” live performances. They’ve been missing from the broadcast for several years, so it was very refreshing to see at least some of the nominated songs being performed.

Thankfully, there was none of the awkward gushing over the lead actor and actress nominees. They did that several years in a row and it was always incredibly cringe-worthy, adding unnecessary length to an already-lengthy show. Without those, this year’s broadcast ran a perfectly reasonable time of around 3.5 hours.

If they bring MacFarlane back and add in live performances of nominated songs, the Oscar broadcast might just become relevant again. We’ll see.


For those who missed them:

Picture: Argo, Grant Heslov, Ben Affleck, George Clooney
Director: Ang Lee, Life of Pi
Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
Actress: Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway, Les Misérables
Foreign Language Film: Amour (Austria), Michael Haneke
Cinematography: Life of Pi, Claudio Miranda
Original Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained
Adapted Screenplay: Chris Terrio, Argo
Documentary Feature: Searching for Sugar Man, Malik Bendjelloul, Simon Chinn
Documentary Short Subject: Inocente, Sean Fine, Andrea Nix Fine
Live Action Short Film: Curfew, Shawn Christensen
Film Editing: Argo, William Goldenberg
Makeup and Hairstyling: Les Misérables, Lisa Westcott, Julie Dartnell
Production Design: Lincoln, Rick Carter, Jim Erickson
Sound Mixing: Les Misérables, Andy Nelson, Mark Paterson, Simon Hayes
Sound Editing (tie): Skyfall, Per Hallberg, Karen Baker Landers; Zero Dark Thirty, Paul N.J. Ottosson
Visual Effects: Life of Pi, Bill Westenhoffer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan de Boer, Donald R. Elliott
Costume Design: Anna Karenina, Jacqueline Durran
Original Score: Life of Pi, Mychael Danna
Original Song: “Skyfall”, Skyfall, Adele Adkins, Paul Epworth
Animated Feature Film: Brave, Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman
Animated Short Film: Paperman, John Kahrs

Honorary Oscars: D.A. Pennebaker, George Stevens Jr., Hal Needham

Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award: Jeffrey Katzenberg

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