OPINION

TV Bites

15th Annual Oskerbites

by Neena Louise

 

Worst Dressed

 

Anna Kendrick

This hideous mash-up of about 4 different dresses indifferently sewn together
should never have seen the light of day. Her “lookit my Angelina Jolie
leg” thing didn’t help.

 

Runner-Up

Cate Blanchett

From a
distance, it looked like she had big, glittery cotton balls stuck all over her
dress. Up close, you could see they were actually big, floppy sequins. I think
cotton balls would’ve been better.

Best Dressed

Lupita Nyong’o
A refreshing icy blue color, this soft and elegant halter dress blew everyone
else’s out of the water.

Worst Accessory

Whoopi Goldberg’s striped
stockings

Not only her stockings, but also her askew necklace. And her outfit. She looked
like a toddler that had gotten into mommy’s closet and decided to play
dress-up.

Best Accessory

Jared Leto’s red bowtie

How refreshing!

Worst Hair

Jennifer Lawrence

She looked vaguely creepy with her too-old-for-her cropped and streaked ‘do.

Best Hair

Sandra Bullock

Her soft curls were elegant and classy.

Least Charming

Sally Hawkins

She babbled and rambled incoherently on the red carpet. I’m still not sure what
she was trying to say.

Most Charming

Will Smith

In the pre-show, he seemed more excited about recognizing a cameraman that had
worked on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air
than being at the Oscars. It was adorable.

Worst Acceptance Speech

Jared Leto (Supporting Actor, Dallas Buyers Club)

He started off endearingly thanking his single mother for all she’d done, but then
deteriorated into political spew, then made it worse by plugging his band. It
didn’t help that it appeared that he’d memorized and practiced his speech for
hours. Not impressed.

Best Acceptance
Speech

Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez (Original Song, Frozen)

Now this is how you do an acceptance
speech, complete with the requisite boring litany of thank yous: make it rhyme,
make it funny, make it short.

Worst Song Presentation

“The Moon Song” (Karen O)

Though I liked the simplicity of the staging, it was off-key and dull. It
might’ve been good as a coffee-shop performance, but she did her own song no
favors on the Oscar stage.

Best Song
Presentation

“Happy” (Pharrell Williams, Despicable Me 2)

I so wanted to hate this with all the
backup dancers whirling around, but I couldn’t help enjoying it. Not only was
Williams’ singing spot-on, he was the only performer of the evening that seemed
to be actually having fun, not just putting on an act. Still hate his stupid
hat, though.

Worst Shout-Out

Matthew
McConaughey’s preaching about God during his acceptance speech. Like politics,
religion does not belong at the Oscars.

Best Shout-Out

Bill
Murray including the recently-departed Harold Ramis in the list of
“Cinematography” nominees. It was a sweet shout-out to someone he’d
known and worked with for decades.

Least Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Joel Harlow and Gloria Pasqua-Cashy (Makeup and Hairstyling, The Lone Ranger)

Not that they did a bad job, but The Lone
Ranger was a terrible movie that no amount of good hair and makeup could
improve. It seemed more like a pity nomination.

 

Most Deserving of an Oscar Nomination

Bruce Dern (Leading Actor, Nebraska)

The under-appreciated Dern finally got his due.

Least Deserving of an Oscar

Everyone
who received one actually deserved it.

Most Deserving of an Oscar

Lupita Nyong’o (Supporting Actress, 12 Years a Slave)

Though Nyong’o has performed in television and on stage, this was her first
feature film. I can’t help wondering why,
given her outstanding performance.

Least Surprising Winner

“Let It Go” (Original Song, Frozen)

They don’t call this “The Disney Category” for nothing.

Most Surprising Winner

There
were absolutely no surprises, which was a surprise in and of itself.

Worst Presenter

Harrison Ford

Badly reading directly off the teleprompter isn’t what I expected from such a
seasoned performer.

Best Presenter

Kevin Spacey

Poised and charming and so comfortable that you’d never have known he was
reading anything.

Worst Reaction of a Winner

No bad
reactions. Everyone seemed to be honored.

Best Reaction of a Winner

Steve McQueen (Director, 12 Years a Slave)

His unabashed jubilation at winning was very cute.

Biggest Loser

American Hustle

Ten nominations and not a single statue.

It was nice to see Ellen Degeneres hosting again – especially considering years
of “whatever” hosts. She actually made me laugh out loud at times and
didn’t give me the frequent urge to change the channel, but I was still mostly
bored. Her interaction with the audience was cute, but the pizza and Twitter
things were just silly.

 

The
interminable 90-minute pre-show was, on the other hand, stultifyingly dull. The
pre-show should be all about the fashion, but between the awkward celebrity
interactions and numerous pre-taped features, you only saw a few dresses. The
idiotic “take a picture with a celebrity” was not only supremely
stupid, it unnecessarily added length. I still don’t understand the “Team
Oscar” thing. These were college kids that, in the hopes of winning a trip
to the Oscars, had submitted videos on where they think film should go next. In
the pre-show, we were tortured with their “My L.A. Vacation” home
movies and they stood awkwardly on the stage for mere seconds during the
broadcast. We never saw one second of
their winning submission videos, which was all I cared about. I did enjoy the “Final 24” bit, which
covered what went on behind the scenes before Oscar night. It was the only
thing worth watching in the pre-show.

 

The
Oscar stage was…odd. Plastic Oscar statues crowded the stage, looking for all
the world like misshapen bowling pins. They were then replaced with what I
guess were supposed to be red roses, but looked more like a giant pile of red
garbage bags. I thought the shelves of vintage typewriters that adorned the
stage during the “Screenplay” awards were pretty clever, though.

The most irritating thing about the evening were all the standing ovations.
Standing ovations should be reserved for extra-special moments, not every moment. I started rolling my eyes
after what seemed the 100th standing ovation for yet another occasion that
didn’t warrant one and wished they’d just glue themselves to their seats. I
think the moment I enjoyed the most was the technical gaffe when you heard
“applause please” from the announcer, then Ellen’s “you take
this; I’ll take that” when she was backstage with the pizza guy. I can’t
help but wonder if the announcer also said “standing ovation now,
please”. It would explain a lot.

Though it was what has become the standard 3.5 hours long, I was bored by hour
2 and wishing just they’d hurry up and finish by hour 3. For the first time, I
considered recording the rest, but managed to hang on until the end. Barely. I
don’t know what they can to make the Most
Boring Awards Show less so, but I wish they’d at least try.

 

For those who missed them:

Picture:
12 Years a Slave, Brad Pitt, Dede
Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner, Steve McQueen, Anthony Katagas

Director: Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity

Actor: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers
Club

Actress: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

Supporting Actor: Jared Leto, Dallas
Buyers Club

Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong’o, 12
Years a Slave

Foreign Language Film: The Great Beauty
(La grande bellezza), Italy, Paolo Sorrentino (director)

Cinematography: Gravity, Emmanuel
Lubezki

Original Screenplay: Spike Jonze, Her

Adapted Screenplay: John Ridley, 12 Years
a Slave

Documentary Feature: 20 Feet from Stardom,
Morgan Neville, Gil Friesen, Caitrin Rogers

Documentary Short Subject: The Lady in
Number 6: Music Saved My Life, Malcolm Clarke, Nicholas Reed

Live Action Short Film: Helium,
Anders Walter, Kim Magnusson

Film Editing: Gravity, Alfonso
Cuarón, Mark Sanger

Makeup and Hairstyling: Dallas Buyers
Club, Adruitha Lee, Robin Matthews

Production Design: The Great Gatsby,
Catherine Martin, Beverley Dunn

Sound Mixing: Gravity, Skip Lievsay,
Niv Adiri, Christopher Benstead, Chris Munro

Sound Editing: Gravity, Glenn
Freemantle

Visual Effects: Gravity, Tim Webber,
Chris Lawrence, David Shirk, Neil Corbould

Costume Design: The Great Gatsby,
Catherine Martin

Original Score: Gravity, Steven Price

Original Song: “Let It Go”, Frozen,
Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Robert Lopez

Animated Feature Film: Frozen, Chris
Buck, Jennifer Lee, Peter Del Vecho

Animated Short Film: Mr. Hublot,
Laurent Witz, Alexandre Espigares

Honorary
Oscars: Steve Martin, Angela Lansbury, Piero Tosi

Jean
Hersholt Humanitarian Award: Angelina Jolie