Ambyr Childers has no regrets about moving her life from Los Angeles to Montana while weathering a high-profile split, her sobriety and reconnecting with a higher power.
In the wake of her divorce from producer Randall Emmett — they called it quits in 2017 after years of rumors of his affair with Vanderpump Rules’ Lala Kent — Childers, 37, was struggling. She self-medicated her anxiety and depression with alcohol and Xanax, and when she realized numbing out wasn’t working, she realized she needed a change — and she got sober.
“There was a lot of grief that I didn’t feel post-divorce and and now I do. I have these moments where I’m able to grieve and I allow myself that without having to chase something that’s going to push that grief down,” Childers tells Us Weekly. “So now, I cry a lot, and when I cry I remind myself, ‘This is me thawing.’ I’m just healing and it’s a beautiful thing.”
Childers’ self-discovery quest led her to Montana where she lives with her and Emmett’s daughters: London, 16, and Rylee, 12. Now, she’s rediscovering her love for acting with roles in projects such as the upcoming biker drama Born to Lose, her “An Unlikely Affair” podcast with Kent (more on that below) and a reinvigorated outlook on this next chapter in life, which is focused on “healing and coming home” to herself.
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“That was a big part of my move to Montana — I needed a place of quiet. Los Angeles had gotten really loud for me internally and externally,” Childers recalls. “I needed a place to hear myself again.”
Childers credits the change for helping her “surrender” to what is meant for her, adding, “It’s helped me with my sobriety, and it’s helped me rebuild myself in a really honest way. It’s like rebuilding a version of yourself that you actually enjoy being with.”
Childers breaks down her emotional healing journey — and her return to acting and the public eye — here:
How did you know it was time to leave Los Angeles?
It’s just simplifying life sometimes — to get in touch with your inner self. I haven’t been able to just really hear myself and forgive myself and love myself and reflect on my mistakes that I’ve made [until now].
When did you start considering the move?
I’d been in L.A. for 16 years. Last year, I woke up and it was a voice that was like, “You have to get out. You’re suffocating.” I just kept getting this spiritual intuition screaming at me, like, “You have to leave.”
Why Montana?
My sister [moved] to Bozeman, and I was like, “Huh, I’ve never been to Montana. Sounds boring.” I took one of my daughters to visit … and I’ll never forget the feeling when I landed. I looked around and said to myself, “You need to be here. There’s something here that is magical.” That’s the gift of sobriety: being able to hear your intuition without it being clouded.
After your run on You in 2019, you took a break.
Acting is my first love. It’s brought me back to myself and helped me fall in love with the art. What I do for a living — and everything that I do now — is coming from a more pure place.
I’m trying to be a lot more intentional with what I go out for. I have teenagers. It’s important for me to be there for them, but they also need to see Mom work. It’s really important to follow my dreams, to be excited about what I do, choosing stories and characters that inspire me. I’m not moving and acting out of desperation or need. I’m moving from a place of curiosity and being an artist.
How has your view on the roles you want to take shifted?
I’m taking back my narrative. There’s projects that I have in development, there are projects that I’m creating and it feels really good because these are the stories that I want to tell.
I always tell people that I love to work with people that are better than me. I want to be the most inexperienced person on that set because I feel like I have so much to learn. Life is short, let’s have some fun.
Talk to Us about coming back with Born to Lose.
There’s this thing about indie filmmaking that I love. You’re doing it on a budget so people are showing up to work because they believe in the film. It’s coming from a place of authentic creativity instead of ego.
I also have a project with Lala that we are working on right now. This is the foundation of a new chapter for me. It is now telling my story in a very beautiful and artistic way.
You are getting back into telling other people’s stories — what about your own?
One of the most profound things that Lala has made me realize is that at the end of the day, my story is the most important one. I need to care about it as much as I care about my other characters that I’ve played or going to play.
There’s the passion but also the anxiety, which is just fear. It’s grief that I haven’t let myself feel for so long and now I could actually sit in the grief.
It sounds like you are reclaiming your voice.
I feel reconnected to who I am. I started acting when I was eight years old and over the years you end up putting this gap between who you are and what you want to become. My gift is from my higher power. I’ve been given this and it’s my duty to to use my gift of art and expression to inspire people, to teach people, to help other people. I want to be of service to other people in whatever way I can.
Do you think the Montana move will be permanent?
I’m not trying to control anything in my life. That’s another gift of sobriety. It’s just complete acceptance and surrender. If you’d told me five years ago that I was going to be sober, move to Montana and start a podcast with my ex-husband’s mistress, I would have been like, “Are you out of your mind?” But that’s the beauty of life.
Speaking of your friendship with Lala, how did you get there?
What’s most meaningful about that relationship is that we didn’t stay in the pain of what life has dealt us or our choices. We both made a choice to stay grounded, to stay accountable and to meet each other from a place of honesty. It takes a lot of self reflection and that’s what makes our friendship real.
Talk to Us about the decision to work together on the “An Unlikely Affair” podcast.
People already knew our story. So I wanted to share where we were. I don’t want people to think, ”Look what happened to their relationship”. No, it is, ‘Look where they took their relationship”. This is what our life looks like.
Just listening to your podcast, it also sounds like you were able to create this blended family.
For me, Lala was a stranger and then she became a mistress and then an acquaintance. Now I love her like a sister.
Women are really mean to each other and it really breaks my heart. I feel like it’s part of my responsibility to share what I’ve learned and what I’ve experienced.
There’s a lot that she’s taught me, and I hope to do the same. I hope there’s a lot of healing for her. My kids love Ocean [Kent’s 5-year- old daughter with Emmett]. They’re sisters … I want them to feel connected
When it comes to your ex-husband, how did the two of you get to a better place for the sake of your kids?
I got married really young but divorce taught me to take responsibility for my life, my choices, my boundaries and what I’m willing to accept. It showed me that love without self respect is not sustainable and I can honestly say that I didn’t respect myself. I learned how to stop abandoning myself and start showing up in an honest way.
It gave me clarity post divorce of who I am, what I need and how I want to live and how I want to show up in the world. Also how I want to show up in my next relationship and how I can model a good relationship for my daughters.
I’m really thankful for that part of my life. I don’t regret it at all. I have two beautiful, funny kids that bring me so much joy every day.
How is coparenting going?
You coparent the best you can, and it’s not perfect. There are days that are easier than others. I want my kids to see a healthy dynamic between my ex and I.
How is dating in Montana different from Los Angeles?
We’re having a crisis in the dating world today. It doesn’t matter where you are, it’s just tough. I wasn’t on the dating apps for a long time and I’ve met some really great guys and also some guys that I’m not for and they’re not for me. Dating teaches you about yourself. I never knew that you and so now here I am with my career, my sobriety and my children in first position of my life.
If I meet someone great, I definitely know what I’m looking for. At the right time, the universe and my higher power will bring someone in that is compatible and we’re meant to be.
[But I have also] found community in a book club, in sobriety. I found a community just with neighbors. I didn’t have that in LA. It’s different here [where] people care about you.
How has your relationship with religion changed since you were raised Mormon?
When you’re growing up, you don’t have a choice what religion your family of origin comes from. I’m really grateful for the experience that I had in the Mormon church. I’m now at a place where I’m not resentful and I’m not angry. It’s not my cup of tea or where I’m at in my life. But there’s a lot of great qualities and values that I’ve taken from being raised Mormon and and I bring them into my family,
But I’ve always struggled with religion. I feel now I’m really spiritual and I made a promise to my ex-husband that I would raise my kids Jewish and I have. But I think that life has kicked my ass enough where I’m like, I need to find my own version of what a higher power is.
How has life improved since you got sober?
I wouldn’t have a relationship with Lala now if we both weren’t sober. There was just so much pain and what sobriety has given me is honesty, acceptance and trust in myself. I now get to help other people and I’m definitely a better mother because of it. That’s something that I will never take for granted and I’m grateful for the choice that I made.
How has sobriety changed your relationship with your higher power?
I truly believe I had to go through some really dark days and chapters of my life to be able to rely on something where I was like, “OK, I don’t want to control my life anymore because this control has not gotten me anywhere. It’s just dug me into a deeper hole that’s getting closer to my grave and I don’t want to be there.” For me, having a higher power has given me my own foundation that I could rely on.
Where do you hope to see yourself in 10 years?
I want to see my children thriving, happy, healthy — emotionally, physically, spiritually. I want to be doing what I love whether that’s producing or whether I’m directing. I want to continue to tell stories that inspire women [and continue] building this community that I have with Lala and I.
For me, it’s just about staying in my art because it is such a beautiful way to express yourself. It’s home for me.
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