Thu. Jun 20th, 2024

Sleep, Walk, Kill (2022)

By Michael Jan 24, 2024

Where to even start with this one.  I guess with the description, People in a quiet town start walking and killing in their sleep. I guess coming up with a title was someone’s job and this was the best they could do…. Descriptive I guess. 

The entire movie has as much thought put into it as the title.  The commercials were good though, I really king of want one of those electric genesis cars. 

At least last week we got titties in the opening scene of Man-Thing, this opens with a similar feel but with no titties and no one dies except us who have to watch as this asshole plays the guitar and sings badly.  Meanwhile miss not showing us her titties falls asleep and leaves to go do something.. Oh yeah the movie is called sleep walk kill so at least she comes back and stops me from having to listen to this asshole sing anymore.  And Title card.  Jeez this sucks already. 

That sound sucks, I will give them that. Made me want to start eating people to make it stop. 

WTF where did they get that pizza, just call dominos for fuck sake that looks gross. East coast pizza is nasty. 

WEAKEST KARATE CHOP EVER. Then hits her with the fridge. What am I watching and why. Not sure I can make it through this. 

Zombie tittie hiding bitch is awake now.  She was more interesting asleep. Better actress asleep too. 

 God this is boring, they are just talking and talking and there are no more sleepwalking zombies.  18 minutes in and its still just tittie hiding bitch zombie.  Why Pilarski Why? 

Oh goody 19 minutes in we get daddy zombie when daughter wakes up and then kills for some reason, literally a 30 second scene and that’s it.. Back to talking to tittie hiding bitch. 

Now we are talking to a zombie where we skipped the kill altogether she seems like a bitch too. Is anyone in this movie at all likeable. Even Edgar is annoying. I can only root for a nuclear winter or something at this point to end this story or hell just nuke my house so I don’t have to finish this. 

 Wake up the baby in the womb… god this is stupid. Moms voice oh my god now I get why Edgar is so annoying I have another hour of this? Someone kill her. Too much talking. 

 40 minutes in and more unseen zombies we are up to about two minutes of zombie time now and 30 seconds of that is internal baby zombie.  OK at 41 minutes we get 3 seconds of zombie beating door with head… whoopee.  Please someone nuke my house During this commercial.  At least we are almost halfway through this non zombie zombie movie. 

 50 minutes in and still no more zombies… WTF is this movie a movie about the discussions we would have if there were zombies. 

Damn you Pilarski why do you hate us so much. 

 53 minutes and baby momma drinks some bleach…. So not really a zombie but hey at least someone dies.   

Fight now talk and damnit someone kill Edgar’s mom I can’t listen to her anymore. 

OK One hour exactly and still 2 minutes of zombie and  I am really missing Man-Thing right now. 

 I hate every character in this movie. Not one redeeming quality amongst like 10 people.  Please let me have a zombie to eat them all. 

Damn you Pilarski!! 

Mom goes zombie and kills a few for about 45 seconds getting our zombie time up to almost three minutes now. 

PLEASE DO IT HAZEL KILL THEM ALL WITH GASOLINE.   End this nonsense.   

Damn it 16 minutes left so we gotta talk some more.  Oh goody a plan, a stupid one, but what the hell. 

Let mom zombie die please her voice is killing me…  She went all scanners. Lol. Her voice is better this way though.  Neenah her ass. Lol. Mom is the master zombie and kills them all. Two minutes of glorious zombie time until Edgar has to shoot her But he’s a pussy so ex wife gets to do the honors of shooting mom zombie. Mom, everything is going to be OK lol.Edgar kills mommy after 4 minutes of zombieness. Bringing our grand total to like under 8 minutes and 30 seconds of that was internal baby zombie. 

8 freaking minutes of this entire movie is zombies, the rest is talk talk talk.  I don’t even like horror and needed more zombie time in this stupid movie. 

Damn you Pilarski why do you hate us. And why did that annoying fucker Edgar get to live.  I really miss Man-Thing now. 

Images created with Fotor

By Michael

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